I don't remember much of the evening of August 8th, the evening you died. We talked on facetime just before you went into surgery to replace your stent. The doctor told me that you were in good hands and that he wouldn't let you out of the hospital until you were OK. But then Allen, the doctor called me and told me that you were in intencive care because the stent that they placed on July 30th in Charlottetown had not worked and your body was all septic. They had coded you 3 times but you came back to me. But just for a little while. You were so sick Allen that your heart couldn't take it anymore and when I received that last phone call, you were gone. Arlene and Lisette were here with me. The doctor asked if I wanted to see you on facetime. You looked so peaceful and I talked to you. Do you remember. I told you that I was so sorry that you had to go through this. That I loved you. Catherine and Natasha were there. I talked to them after. I called Kevin and the rest is kind of a blur. People took real good care of me though. You would have been happy to see that. They gave me a glass of wine as soon as I got on the plane, then a bottle of champagne. They pretty well rolled out the red carpet for me. Isabelle met me in Montréal at the airport and we cried together. We talked about what a great person you were. Oh yes, it was all about you. Then Kevin came to get me at the airport in Charlottetown. Corinne and Richard were there too. We all cried. We all loved you.
Allen, I know that we had talked about this. We talked about what we wanted when we died. I wanted to have a Wake so everyone could come and see me and say, she was a hell of a funny person in her day. She'd do anything for a laugh. And you Allen, you didn't want anything. But I couldn't leave you like this. I had to see you. Catherine, Natasha and Kevin had to see you and Ruth, well she misses you so much. Can you believe more than 500 people came to the Wake. That is how much you were loved. You deserved every single person that came to see you. We talked about you....all in good and the funny part is that Diane and Philippe had never heard you swear. I told them all that you swore like a sailor.
Kevin Carr was there. He talked about you at the funeral. He made us laugh. It was nice to hear about your life in Fort McMurray. Natasha and Catherine read a poem, Kevin talked about you and about how great you were. I talked too. I had to. I couldn't let you go. But you know, everyone was saying how much you loved everyone but I told them the truth. I told them that you and the lady on our GPS were always fighting. Oh ya. You would even give her the finger when she'd tell you to turn around. I told everyone how we met at Tim Horton's the first time. Did you hear Corinne play the flute at the funeral. I know how you loved to hear her. She wrote a song for you too. Nobody ever wrote a song about me but that's OK, you deserved it.
All my family came Allen and it was the first time that the four of us were all together at the same time. Becky couldn't come because they were moving into their new house but Philippe, Diane, Ken and even Scott and Shannon came. Marc and Helene were there and wished that they could have met you in person instead of just on facetime but they loved you. Can you tell my Mom that Marc found us and that it was the best present she ever gave us and we are never letting him go. Dee, Debbie, Donnie and Bobby came to see you. Janet and Ruth were there too. You looked so handsome. I didn't put a suit on you because I know how you hated them but I bought a real nice polo shirt. The girls approved. We all kept looking at you and saying, something is missing. Yup, a stain on your shirt. You know how you always dropped something on your shirt. We wanted to put a stain but we didn't.
People have been so good to me. They kept bringing food to the house, flowers, prayers. Tash gave me a big picture of you and I walking hand in hand going to the Louvres in Paris. It's beautiful. Mirjam sent me a lovely locket with your picture in it. I never take it off. The guides, oh Allen the guides. Some came to the funeral and cards and flowers continued to come weeks after. You know how I love my guides. Ryan takes care of me. He sends me a message every day to see how I am. Diane stayed with me for 5 weeks and helped me take care of things. Kevin is my rock and I love him so much. The girls are trying real hard to cope with your loss and Lilah is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I only speak french to her like I promised. She smiles when she sees me and when I talk to her. Guess what, Jamie and Peter are going to finish under the deck for you. I know how you always wanted that finished.
Natasha and Jamie had a beautiful wedding. They had a picture of you and Lilah. You would have been so proud of Natasha. She was a beautiful bride. I finally met Sid. I can understand why you would be friends with him. I got your car from Fort McMurray with all your belongings. Cords.....really Allen. How many cords does one need. I was glad to see that you had Bose speakers and Bose headphones. I know how much you enjoyed watching movies so I'm glad that you had the best but again....cords???
Oh Allen how I miss you. I try to be strong and I can hide my emotions pretty well when people are around but at night, every night, I go to the window and look at the stars and try to see if one of them is blinking but I haven't found one yet but when I do, I'll know it will be you and then I'll be OK. I am back in France now because I know that you would want me to continue on and I know how much you loved coming here and travel with me. It's hard and some days I am just treading water but I'll make you proud. Lisette is gone but Carolyne is here now. You remember we had supper with her and Ryan and other guides last Christmas. Everyone here is taking good care of me. Arlene is sure happy that I'm back. Now she doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy with the guides. She says that this is my job. Tom is around and will be coming and visit in a few weeks. Ella is still a piece of work but she still loves her basket up on the beam. Last night I had chips in a bowl and after guides left, Ella licked all the salt off the chips. She's been drinking ever since. She stayed with Arlene while I was away.
Before I forget, I wanted to tell you that I'm not going home for Christmas. I think that it would be too hard. The girls understand. You always had the tree decorated before I arrived but please forgive me, I don't have the strength, so Kevin and I are going to the French Alps. He'll snowboard and I'll stay by the fireplace and watch the stars at night to try to find you.
Well I guess I'll say goodnight now. I miss you every second of every hour and at night when I wake up, I still reach over to see if you are there. You are in my heart and I will love you always and forever.
I'm sending you a few pictures so you won't forget us. Please tell God that I am planning on living until 103, so I'm not ready to go yet. We will meet some day and I will fall in love with you all over again. Until then, please take care of us. It's hard without you.
Your love,
L
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