Dear Allen....

Hi my love.  It's been 4 months today since you left so I figured that I would tell you what was going on.  Much has happened since the evening I last talked to you on facetime.  You were sitting in your hospital bed in Moncton and we were discussing with the doctor what the next step for your kidney stone would be.  That damn stone.  It bothered you since early January.  You were in so much pain but you were so strong.  July 28th the pain came back.  But from January until the end of July, we had a great time.  You came to France in February and we went to Venice and Rome and remember how excited I was to see the Pope and how I said that among the hundreds of people there, the Pope was waving to me, only me.  We got caught by this lady that was going to give us a private tour of the Sistine Chapel and it cost us 80 euros.  Well really, you got caught......again.....I just wanted to walk away.  We couldn't even understand her.  We just did the polite thing and nodded and said yes to whatever she was saying.  We had a great time together.  Then you came back on July 8th and had a surprise birthday party for my 60th.  We went to Paris for a few days before you left to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary and you left on the 22nd of July.  I didn't know at that time that it would be the last time that I would see you, that I would touch you.

I don't remember much of the evening of August 8th, the evening you died.  We talked on facetime just before you went into surgery to replace your stent.  The doctor told me that you were in good hands and that he wouldn't let you out of the hospital until you were OK.  But then Allen, the doctor called me and told me that you were in intencive care because the stent that they placed on July 30th in Charlottetown had not worked and your body was all septic.  They had coded you 3 times but you came back to me.  But just for a little while.  You were so sick Allen that your heart couldn't take it anymore and when I received that last phone call, you were gone.  Arlene and Lisette were here with me.  The doctor asked if I wanted to see you on facetime.  You looked so peaceful and I talked to you.  Do you remember.  I told you that I was so sorry that you had to go through this.  That I loved you.  Catherine and Natasha were there.  I talked to them after.  I called Kevin and the rest is kind of a blur.  People took real good care of me though.  You would have been happy to see that.  They gave me a glass of wine as soon as I got on the plane, then a bottle of champagne.  They pretty well rolled out the red carpet for me.  Isabelle met me in Montréal at the airport and we cried together.  We talked about what a great person you were.  Oh yes, it was all about you.  Then Kevin came to get me at the airport in Charlottetown.  Corinne and Richard were there too.  We all cried.  We all loved you.

Allen, I know that we had talked about this.  We talked about what we wanted when we died.  I wanted to have a Wake so everyone could come and see me and say, she was a hell of a funny person in her day.  She'd do anything for a laugh.  And you Allen, you didn't want anything.  But I couldn't leave you like this.  I had to see you.  Catherine, Natasha and Kevin had to see you and Ruth, well she misses you so much.  Can you believe more than 500 people came to the Wake.  That is how much you were loved.  You deserved every single person that came to see you.  We talked about you....all in good and the funny part is that Diane and Philippe had never heard you swear.  I told them all that you swore like a sailor.

Kevin Carr was there.  He talked about you at the funeral.  He made us laugh.  It was nice to hear about your life in Fort McMurray.  Natasha and Catherine read a poem, Kevin talked about you and about how great you were.  I talked too.  I had to.  I couldn't let you go.  But you know, everyone was saying how much you loved everyone but I told them the truth.  I told them that you and the lady on our GPS were always fighting.  Oh ya.  You would even give her the finger when she'd tell you to turn around.  I told everyone how we met at Tim Horton's the first time.  Did you hear Corinne play the flute at the funeral.  I know how you loved to hear her.  She wrote a song for you too.  Nobody ever wrote a song about me but that's OK, you deserved it. 

All my family came Allen and it was the first time that the four of us were all together at the same time.   Becky couldn't come because they were moving into their new house but Philippe, Diane, Ken and even Scott and Shannon came.   Marc and Helene were there and wished that they could have met you in person instead of just on facetime but they loved you.  Can you tell my Mom that Marc found us and that it was the best present she ever gave us and we are never letting him go.  Dee, Debbie, Donnie and Bobby came to see you.  Janet and Ruth were there too.  You looked so handsome.  I didn't put a suit on you because I know how you hated them but I bought a real nice polo shirt.  The girls approved.  We all kept looking at you and saying, something is missing.  Yup, a stain on your shirt.  You know how you always dropped something on your shirt.  We wanted to put a stain but we didn't. 

People have been so good to me.  They kept bringing food to the house, flowers, prayers.  Tash gave me a big picture of you and I walking hand in hand going to the Louvres in Paris.  It's beautiful.  Mirjam sent me a lovely locket with your picture in it.  I never take it off.  The guides, oh Allen the guides.  Some came to the funeral and cards and flowers continued to come weeks after.  You know how I love my guides.  Ryan takes care of me.  He sends me a message every day to see how I am.  Diane stayed with me for 5 weeks and helped me take care of things.  Kevin is my rock and I love him so much.  The girls are trying real hard to cope with your loss and Lilah is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  I only speak french to her like I promised.  She smiles when she sees me and when I talk to her.  Guess what, Jamie and Peter are going to finish under the deck for you.  I know how you always wanted that finished.

Natasha and Jamie had a beautiful wedding.  They had a picture of you and Lilah.  You would have been so proud of Natasha.  She was a beautiful bride.  I finally met Sid.  I can understand why you would be friends with him.  I got your car from Fort McMurray with all your belongings.  Cords.....really Allen.  How many cords does one need.  I was glad to see that you had Bose speakers and Bose headphones.  I know how much you enjoyed watching movies so I'm glad that you had the best but again....cords???

Oh Allen how I miss you.  I try to be strong and I can hide my emotions pretty well when people are around but at night, every night, I go to the window and look at the stars and try to see if one of them is blinking but I haven't found one yet but when I do, I'll know it will be you and then I'll be OK.  I am back in France now because I know that you would want me to continue on and I know how much you loved coming here and travel with me.  It's hard and some days I am just treading water but I'll make you proud.  Lisette is gone but Carolyne is here now.  You remember we had supper with her and Ryan and other guides last Christmas.  Everyone here is taking good care of me.  Arlene is sure happy that I'm back.  Now she doesn't have to be warm and fuzzy with the guides.  She says that this is my job.  Tom is around and will be coming and visit in a few weeks.  Ella is still a piece of work but she still loves her basket up on the beam.  Last night I had chips in a bowl and after guides left, Ella licked all the salt off the chips.  She's been drinking ever since.  She stayed with Arlene while I was away.

Before I forget, I wanted to tell you that I'm not going home for Christmas.  I think that it would be too hard.  The girls understand.  You always had the tree decorated before I arrived but please forgive me,  I don't have the strength, so Kevin and I are going to the French Alps.  He'll snowboard and I'll stay by the fireplace and watch the stars at night to try to find you.

Well I guess I'll say goodnight now.  I miss you every second of every hour and at night when I wake up, I still reach over to see if you are there.  You are in my heart and I will love you always and forever.

I'm sending you a few pictures so you won't forget us.  Please tell God that I am planning on living until 103, so I'm not ready to go yet.  We will meet some day and I will fall in love with you all over again.  Until then, please take care of us.  It's hard without you.

Your love,
L

No motivation.....

Today I had the day off with a lot of good intentions.  I was going to do laundry, clean the upstairs, go get a new cord for my Ipad because it takes forever to charge, do groceries and see a movie.  Well I got up came downstairs and that's when it happened.  My body saw the couch, sat on it and never got up.  That was it.  I was done.  I played mahjong and I know I am hooked because whenever I close my eyes, I see little tiles everywhere.  Now if I try to catch them, please send men in white coats. 

I can now confirm that my upper body is too heavy for my lower body.  When we were in Venice and Rome and walking everywhere, my knees were just about giving up.  It has to be my boobs.  I can't see anything else it could be.  Maybe it's the 4 bags of groceries, a purse, my work bag and a 6 pack that I bring all in one trip because I park too far and don't have the energy to do a second trip.  When I say 6 pack, I know most of you think that it's a 6 pack of beer.  No it's a 6 pack of diet coke.  The beer is already in the house along with the wine.

Went to the movies the other night and there was quite a line up.  50 shades of Gray is playing here in French.  No I have not seen it and no I have not read the book.  I went to see Maman/Papa but there was an elderly couple (yes older than me).  I'll come back to elderly in a minute.  However, I got my ticket and they asked the lady at the cash in French of course:  What do you suggest?  Maman/Papa ou 50 nuances de Gray.  The lady said, well one is a comedy and the other one is a romance.  I think she forgot to saw a word....EROTIC.  Well I didn't see them in my theatre so I guess they went for the romance one.  Not sure, but I think I saw them after the movie and the old man was looking for a whip.  Talking about elderly, well when I came here 4 years ago, guides would tell me that I reminded them of their mother, now guides tell me that I remind them of their grandmother.  Not good although in my opinion, grandmothers are always cute.  Not sure if you know, but Natasha, Allen's daughter and her fiancée are having a little girl so I will be a Mamie in May.  I already bought clothes and I will talk to her in French so it will be out secret language.  I am very excited.  I'm trying not to show it.  Not working.

Ella has her own board.  Allen bought a long board and stapled carpet on it and now she can go up to the beams.  I'll put a picture up.  She loves it.  She goes up and down.  I put a q-tip up there and there she goes flying up and picking the q-tip in her mouth and brings it back to me.  Pretty smart cat.  She plays the victim a lot I find.  She will do this little voice imitation of:  please come, I need help, so I get up and go see her and she is hiding in the tub and wants to play or behind a door with her little paw out of the crack wanting to play.  I don't have time for this.  I need to play mahjong.  I'm at level 18.  It's important.  Anyway she will do that about 10 times and all 10 times I get up.  Allen says that I'm the sucker.  Well everybody knows that the cat rules.  We are just their staff.  When we were in Venice, this man was sitting at the bottom of the 2075 bridges that you have to cross (help me God, if I go back.  Please give me new knees), anyway he had 2 cats with him.  So of course I stopped and he said, oh this one is a Chartreux.  It's a French breed.   I said is it now.  I have a Chartreux too.  Then he said, ah well, ahhhhhh this one is a mix.  I thought yep, it was mixed with something because yours has white paws and white on the back.  Poor man, I gave him money just the same.  Sucker I am.

Oh another thing, I went for a brain scan and I think they found brains but were not sure so they sent me for an MRI and they have confirmed that they have found brains.  They had to dig deep but they found them.  I should have asked that they look for a few mahjong tiles.  I keep missing some but all is well in the head department.  I just keep getting chronic middle ear infections which makes me nauseated a lot but Gravol is my BFF.  Tonight I am going out for supper with Lisette my side-kick and 2 guides.  We are going to Carpe Diem, my new favorite place for ribs.  Went to a guide party Saturday night and it was a pyjama party so I wore my onesie.  They thought I was pretty cool.  Not as cool as Marla but thank you Shannon for the onesies.

I almost hit another rooster last week going to work.  They just cross the street whenever they want.  2 of them.  I thought, oh no, not again.  Poor rooster, after I'm done with them, they no longer cock-a-doodle-do, because they are cock-a-doodle-dead.

Well it is now 6:00 pm and I have done nothing so I better get ready for supper.  I am off again tomorrow so maybe I'll be more motivated, but then maybe not.

Just for your information, I did this blog on Tuesday but couldn't find how to put the pictures from my blackberry.  So it is now Thursday night and just got back from the Pizza Club, yum yum and the weather is wet, cold and dark.  Why people decide to dress up as asphalt so I can't see them, I do not know.  They are all in black and come out between the cars.  I think I'll have to put a sign on the roof of my car that says:  KEEP ON THE LEFT, RIGHT EYE DOESN'T SEE.  Whatever, I'm home now so people on the street are safe.

Here are a few pictures.  We had snow last week but we didn't get a snow day.  Damn.  Also when I told 2 of my boys at work (my guides) that I had a tattoo they were my little lambs, they went home and drew themselves a tattoo at the same place that I have mine.  Isn't that cute.  The little darlings.

Thanks for reading.  You'll hear from me in a few days.

The journey continues...

It has been such a long time since my last blog that it took me 2 days to figure out how to get back in and my login info.  But here I am.  People have been asking why I wasn't writing my blog anymore and I really don't have a reason except for the fact that I really don't think that it is that interesting for people to read it.  However, for my own sake and in order for me not to forget this wonderful experience, I will write more often.

So my last blog was June 2014 and since then alot has happened I'm sure but I just don't remember.  It's an age thing.  Let me see....I went to Charlottetown last Summer and had company.  My brother Marc and Hélène came to visit and I think we had a BBQ.  Then I went to Campbellton to see my brother Philippe and Becky and Marc and Hélène were also there.   We had a big supper so Marc and Hélène could meet all the family.  I'm sure wine and beer were involved.  No really, my brain is not what it used to be.  That could be a good thing though.  My sister Diane and Ken came over to France for a visit and we went to Nuremberg to see Mirjam and her family.  The weather was beautiful.  We drove there in my little car.  It was a wonderful trip even if we put gas instead of diezel, we hit a pylon on the autobahn and it broke the mirror and we lost a hubcap.  Hey, we got there and back.

I went home for Christmas and I am starting to remember a bit more.  I remember getting more gifts than Kevin.  Allen was here from January 31 and left this past Sunday.  We went to Venice and Rome.  Venice is amazing and Gravol became my best friend.  People told me that you travel by boat but I couldn't visualize it.  It was also the Carnival and everyone was in costume.  I wanted to get dressed up but Allen didn't want to be Spiderman.  He doesn't like the tights.  They are too snug he says.  Hahahah.   Here are a few pictures of Venice.  Oh and I fed pigeons.  They flew right on me. 

Then we took the train to Rome and guess what.....I SAW THE POPE in person.  We were walking around St-Peter's square and there was a big crowd so as always, I have to know what is going on.  I asked a police officer and he was pretty useless.  He grunted a few words but a nice lady beside him said, the Pope is there.  Every Wednesday there is an audience.  Well it didn't take me long to spin around and go tell Allen, the good United Church person that he is.  And there was the Pope, all dressed in white and waving.  I know that he was waving to me.  Never mind the other 1000 people that were there.  He saw me 1000 meters away and he waved.  I blushed.....and then he said:  Oh Louisa, iti so nissa to see you againi.  Whya you waita so longi to coma and see me.  He to spoke Italian to me.  OK he really didn't talk to me, actually he didn't talk to me at all but in my head he did.  Allen took pictures and then the Pope got into the Popemobile (not as cool as the Batmobile) and he waved again.  This was the highlight for me.  Being that I am trying out for Sainthood, now I think that I am closer.  We also went ot the Colliseum....twice as Allen really loved it.  He told me the night we arrived in Rome, and I quote:  if I can live through the night, tomorrow I will see the Colliseum.  Poor thing, I didn't know he was living just for that.  I would have bought him a book of it.  We saw lots of great things and we went all out and ate fine italian cuisine.  Pizza, spaghetti (I never know who to spell it), fettuccine.  I think that I am pretty fluent in Italian.  I just added an i,a or o at the of each word and there you have it.  Before going to Venice and Rome, I had googled WHAT NOT TO DO when you are a tourist.  Well we failed at everything.  They saw us coming.  We had our own private tour of the Sixtine Chapel and instead of costing us 16 euros each, we paid 41 euros each PLUS, I didn't understand a word that our guide said because she was Italian.  Somebody at the Colliseum handed me a sword and crown and I was so touched that she wanted to take my picture.....and it cost me and if one more person comes to me and asks if I want to buy a scarf (ok I bought one) or a selfie stick (we didn't), I will hit them in the knees.  Fools we are.

Well I guess this is enough for tonight.  I keep looking at the pictures of all the snow there is at home and I feel bad for all of you.  Stay safe.